Sacred Realty

by Johann Tetzel XVII, Staff Writer

For countless generations war has battered the Middle East and a little spit of “Holy Land” has been soaked in blood and pierced by mortar fragments. The battle to control this region is fought with strong words and pointed weapons and proclamations of peace are more likely to be met with cynical eye rolls than anything approximating real hope. Now, finally, someone seems to be offering a solution to preserve this sacred space: sell it off!

Holy Land Parcels has decided that if Israelis and Palestinians can’t share the land they don’t deserve to have it at all. In light of this plots of land are now available to anyone who has ever wanted to own a little patch of sacred soil for themselves. A mere $35 will get you your very own deed to a single square inch of top-quality Galilean topsoil overlooking the Sea of Gennsaret. This tiny space is, presumably, zoned for residence in the world’s tiniest studio apartment and comes with an assortment of grass blades. More expensive units may include a pebble while discount plots are available for the humble pilgrim who willing to live adjacent to a busy ant colony.

“Now you can own a symbolic plot of land in the Holy Land as your personal biblical heritage,” Holy Land Parcels’ brochure proclaims, which “will reinforce your ties with the land of the Bible.” Yes, indeed, the land the God of Israel claimed for his own can now be bought and held privately by you and you alone. Surely this is what we Reformed Christians mean when we espouse the reclamation of “every square inch” of creation for Christ?

Your very own inch of the terra sancta is waiting for you at www.holyland-parcels.co.il.

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