New Moon: A Twilight Wasted

by David Bosscher

Honestly, I had expected mediocrity from this film, but I had no idea it could be this bad.

New Moon, the second film based on Stephenie Meyer’s four-book Twilight series, picks up right where the first film left off with no recap whatsoever. The story begins with Bella Swan approaching her 18th birthday and, after an unfortunate turn of events at her birthday party, her vampire boyfriend, Edward, decides it best to desert Bella for her own safety. Consequently, this leaves her to fall into despair and into the shirtless, muscle-bound arms of Jacob, an emo werewolf. What follows is less than compelling.

Before getting into my take on this film, I would like to point out that I have no problem with romantic films and have enjoyed many. Romantic drama can be a very good thing. That having been said, this film was a cinematic abortion. First off, the plot is slow and nonsensical. Very little actually happens, that which does happen is left without sufficient explanation, and anything potentially exciting in the story is hurried and unfulfilling. This created an odd combination of deep emotion into which the audience is supposed to be pulled and events that are only shown to us on a surface level. The result is a film that is both painful to observe and borderline self-parody. As if this weren’t enough to ensure the audience’s agony, the acting in New Moon is either atrocious or non-existent (I can’t decide which). Not a single character was convincing on any level and I couldn’t help but see Bella as a stoned version of Peppermint Patty from the Peanuts comics.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that those responsible for New Moon must despise moviegoers. Read the book if you must, but avoid this film at all costs; your eyes and ears will thank you.

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