Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Boundaries “When to Say YES When to Say NO To Take Control of Your Life”
What is Insight My Boundaries
John and Henry used the story /parable of a good Samaritan (p.36 – 37) to illustrate how we (Christians) sometimes are caught up with compassion to give to someone in need and at the end we are manipulated and end up giving more than we wanted to give. We became resentful and angry, having missed something we needed in our own life. To avoid such scenarios, we need to understand what falls within our boundaries, what we are responsible for.
Feeling: feelings play an important role in our motivation and behavior; we shouldn’t ignore our feelings and we shouldn’t put them in charge. “Feelings come from your heart and can tell you the state of your relationships. They can tell you if things are going well, or if there is a problem. If you feel close and loving, things are probably going well. If you feel angry, you have a problem that needs to be addressed. But the point is, your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.” (38)
Attitudes and Beliefs: “Attitudes have to do with your orientation toward something, the stance you take toward others, God, life, work, and relationships. Beliefs are anything that you accept as true.” (38) We should notice that attitude and beliefs are our responsibilities because they fall within our property line. We are the ones who feel their effect, and the only ones who can change them. (39)
Behaviors: Every of our behaviors has consequences; whatever we sow so shall we reap (Gal. 6:7-8). Therefore, we need to know that; evil plants produce evil fruits while good plants produce good fruits – be wise on what you allow to occupy your boundaries.
Choices: We need to take responsibility for our choices. This leads to the fruit of “self-control” (Gal. 5:23). A common boundary problem is disowning our choices and trying to lay the responsibility for them on someone else. (40)
Values: What we value is what we love and assign importance to. Often we do not take responsibility for what we value. We are caught up in valuing the approval of men rather than the approval of God (John 12:43); because of this misplaced value, we miss out on life. (41)
Limits: Just as God does not really set limits on people to make them behave, so also; we are not expected to set limits on people; rather, we should set limits on ourselves. “In reality, setting limits on others is a misnomer. We can’t do that. What we can do is set limits on our own exposure to people who are behaving poorly; we can’t change them or make them behave right.” (41)
Talents: Talents are God’s ordained responsibilities for man. Henry and John in to explore this point use the parable of the Talent in (Matt. 25:23, 26–28). “Our talents are clearly within our boundaries and are our responsibility. Yet taking ownership of them is often frightening and always risky. The parable of the talents says that we are accountable—not to mention much happier—when we are exercising our gifts and being productive. It takes work, practice, learning, prayer, resources, and grace to overcome the fear of failure that the “wicked and lazy” servant gave in to.” (42)
Thoughts: Our minds and thoughts are important reflections of the image of God. Henry and John say; establishing boundaries in thinking involves three things: We must own our own thoughts, we must grow in knowledge and expand our minds, and we must clarify distorted thinking. (43) Taking ownership of our thinking in relationships requires being active in checking out where we may be wrong.
Desires: Our desires lie within our boundaries. Each of us has different desires and wants, dreams and wishes, goals and plans, hungers and thirsts. We all want to satisfy “me.” But why are there so few satisfied “Me’s” around? Part of the problem lies in the lack of structured boundaries within our personality. We can’t define who the real “me” is and what we truly desire. (44)
Love: about love, let’s have a big cut from Henry and John:
Our ability to give and respond to love is our greatest gift. The heart that God has fashioned in his image is the center of our being. Its abilities to open up to love and to allow love to flow outward are crucial to life. Many people have difficulty giving and receiving love because of hurt and fear. Having closed their heart to others, they feel empty and meaningless. The Bible is clear about both functions of the heart: the receiving of grace and love inward and the flow outward. Listen to how the Bible tells how we should love: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. . . Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:37, 39). And how we should receive love: “We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also” (2 Cor. 6:11–13). (45-46)
I’m really loving the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems?
A few of my blog audience have complained about my site not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera.
Do you have any recommendations to help fix this problem?
Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on blogs
I stumbleupon every day. It will always be helpful to read content from
other authors and practice something from their websites.
May I simply say what a comfort to discover a person that actually knows what they are discussing on the web.
You actually know how to bring a problem to light and make
it important. More people should look at this and
understand this side of the story. I can’t believe you are
not more popular since you definitely possess the gift.
My programmer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP.
I have always disliked the idea because of the costs.
But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on numerous websites for about a year and am anxious about switching to
another platform. I have heard good things about blogengine.net.
Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress
content into it? Any kind of help would be really appreciated!
This is very interesting, You are an excessively skilled blogger.
I’ve joined your feed and sit up for in search of more of your magnificent
post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks
all the time i used to read smaller articles or reviews that also clear their motive,
and that is also happening with this post
which I am reading now.
Simply wish to say your article is as surprising.
The clearness on your publish is simply cool and
that i could suppose you’re knowledgeable in this subject.
Well together with your permission let me to grasp your feed to
stay updated with imminent post. Thanks a million and
please continue the enjoyable work.
Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon every day.
It’s always useful to read through articles from other authors and use a little something from their sites.
I believe this is one of the so much vital information for me.
And i’m glad reading your article. However want to commentary on some general issues,
The site taste is great, the articles is in reality great : D.
Good task, cheers
Woah! I’m really enjoying the template/theme of this website.
It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s very hard to get that “perfect balance” between superb usability and visual appearance.
I must say that you’ve done a amazing job with this.
Also, the blog loads very fast for me on Opera.
Excellent Blog!
Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all of us you actually understand what you are speaking approximately!
Bookmarked. Please additionally visit my web
site =). We can have a link exchange arrangement between us
Hey just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly.
I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different
browsers and both show the same outcome.
Since the admin of this website is working, no hesitation very shortly it will be well-known, due to its
feature contents.
Pretty! This has been a really wonderful post. Thanks for
supplying this info.
Pengeluaran Sgp Tercepat hari ini
I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your website.
It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here
and visit more often. Did you hire out a developer to create your theme?
Fantastic work!
Hi there colleagues, how is everything, and what you desire to say about this piece
of writing, in my view its really remarkable for me.
Live Draw Cmd hari ini tercepat
This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.
I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more
of your wonderful post. Also, I’ve shared your website in my social networks!
It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this
superb blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding
your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will
talk about this site with my Facebook group.
Chat soon!
Hasil data hongkong dengan rangkaian paito
Nice post. I was checking continuously this weblog and I am inspired!
Extremely useful information particularly the ultimate part :
) I care for such info a lot. I used to be seeking
this particular information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.
Hasil data sdy dengan rangkaian paito sdy
Hey there are using WordPress for your site platform?
I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up
my own. Do you need any html coding expertise to make your own blog?
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
I know this is completely off topic but I had to
share it with someone!
Hasil Cambodia Pools akurat tercepat
If some one wishes expert view on the topic of blogging
and site-building after that i propose him/her to visit this
blog, Keep up the pleasant work.
Hi, just wanted to mention, I loved this article.
It was practical. Keep on posting!
I think this is among the most important info for me.
And i am glad reading your article. But should remark on some general things, The web site style is perfect, the articles is really great : D.
Good job, cheers
Wow, this piece of writing is pleasant, my sister is analyzing such things, thus
I am going to tell her.
Your writing is always so thoughtful
It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this fantastic blog!
I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to
my Google account. I look forward to new updates and
will share this website with my Facebook group. Chat soon!
This site really has all the information and facts I needed about this subject and didn’t know who to
ask.
This website was… how do I say it? Relevant!!
Finally I have found something that helped me.
Appreciate it!
you’re actually a just right webmaster. The
website loading speed is incredible. It kind of feels
that you are doing any unique trick. Also, The contents are masterwork.
you have done a great activity in this matter!
What’s up, I log on to your new stuff like every
week. Your writing style is awesome, keep doing what you’re doing!